[ part of him wonders if he should deem her as either too brave or entirely too stupid for trying to reason with him. his eyes stay transfixed on her, watching as tear after tear falls from her eyes -- he always does end up making her cry, doesn't he? it only seems to affirm his status as a monster (even if it may not be the worst thing he's done through all of this, it sure feels like it is when he sees the terror in her expression).
he wants to rid himself of her in hopes that this pain, this guilt will go with her. he could slash across the fragile skin of her neck, burst open the veins and let that be the end of it. but deep down, he knows that it wouldn't do anything but amplify his guilt. every time he's found himself hurting Lydia, he's walked away with a heavy heart, too full of pride to admit that he cared how he made her feel.
he lets his eyes shut slowly and forgets about the conflicting wants in his head for a second to concentrate on her voice. ]
What if I can't help it? [ his voice is barely above a murmur when he speaks. he's pulled somewhat of a flip mood wise because no matter how much he wouldn't want to kill anyone, this is the question that lingers. wanting something to not happen doesn't prevent it. ]
no subject
he wants to rid himself of her in hopes that this pain, this guilt will go with her. he could slash across the fragile skin of her neck, burst open the veins and let that be the end of it. but deep down, he knows that it wouldn't do anything but amplify his guilt. every time he's found himself hurting Lydia, he's walked away with a heavy heart, too full of pride to admit that he cared how he made her feel.
he lets his eyes shut slowly and forgets about the conflicting wants in his head for a second to concentrate on her voice. ]
What if I can't help it? [ his voice is barely above a murmur when he speaks. he's pulled somewhat of a flip mood wise because no matter how much he wouldn't want to kill anyone, this is the question that lingers. wanting something to not happen doesn't prevent it. ]